Friday 1 November 2013

My Big Ol' Top Ten

Seeing as how I'm going to be blathering on an awful lot about movies, I figured it would be appropriate to make a list of my Top Ten Favorite Films Of All Time. Now, before anyone gets all snippy at me, I need to clarify that these are my most favorite movies at all time. I am not saying I think these are the best movies of all time, because I am a lowly writer and don't have that kind of authority. So, without further ado:


10. The Fountain (2006)

Not many people liked Darren Aronofsky's potently depressing science fiction romance starring Hugh Jackman as a man traveling through time in an attempt to save/be reunited with his wife, played by Rachel Weisz. Aside from Jackman giving the best goddamn performance of his entire career, this film managed to stir up my emotions in ways I didn't think films were capable of doing. The orchestral score by Clint Mansell is absolutely beautiful, and the visuals are stunning, especially the future sequences where Jackman rides his bubble ship through space into a nebula. The entire film feels like an ethereal ode to the all-encompassing notion of real, raw love, and I haven't been so moved by a movie since.


9. The Social Network (2010)

Leave it to David Fincher to somehow turn the story of the founding of Facebook into an entertaining, legitimate drama that never feels boring. The screenplay by Aaron Sorkin is jammed with wit and humor while still hitting the right dramatic notes, and all of the actors turn in great performances. When I first heard about this movie I couldn't understand why Fincher was attached to it, but holy shit folks, did he ever do a magnificent job.


8. Snatch (2000)

This movie is just straight up entertaining as fuck. It contains more colorful characters than you can shake a stick at, the dialogue is spot on and hilarious, and the plot requires several subsequent viewings in order to fully understand who's screwing who over. Brad Pitt gives a memorable performance as a bare knuckle brawler, and it's nice to see Jason Statham in a movie where he isn't capable of murdering a small village worth of people before lunchtime. This film is as close to crack as I can think of in film form, and I love it.  


7. Schindler's List (1993)

Yeah, if you can watch this movie and not be moved to re-evaluating your entire life, then you are a horrible person. Most of the films on this list I could easily watch over and over again, but this one takes such an emotional toll on the viewer that you have to plan that shit in advance and be prepared to be depressed as hell for the next few days. There's something to be said about portraying the horrors of the holocaust and the horrific treatment of Jews through the story of a rich Nazi, but if you're not pumping out the waterworks when Liam Neeson drops to his knees at the end lamenting how he could have saved more people, well . . . I really don't care to know you.


6. The Departed (2006)

Aside from having one of the most memorable opening sequences ever (including a voice over by Jack Nicholson, a Rolling Stone's Song, Matt Damon swearing in a Boston accent, and Leonardo DiCaprio being suave as shit) this film grips you straight by the balls and never lets go. Martin Scorsese's crime drama had me sweating in my seat from the first few minutes straight until the bloodbath at the end. It all fits together so perfectly, and it also taught the world that Alec Baldwin could be taken seriously again, and that Mark Whalberg can bloody well act when he wants to.


5. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut (1997)

I love the TV show South Park, so it's no surprise I'm equally in love with the feature film. Considering how much history has been created for the series since the film's release (the series is currently in its seventeenth season, the movie was made after the third) it stills holds up with hilarious one-liners and all kinds of inappropriate toilet humor, but it consistently remains smart and edgy. It's also a musical with an equally hilarious soundtrack. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have never shied away from the taboo, and there's very few lines they won't cross, but with this series - and in particular, this film - they manage to walk the fine line between mature commentary and vulgar comedy.


4. Aliens (1986)

This film has become such a part of nerd culture that when the nerd apocalypse finally happens, I won't be surprised to find a giant statue of Bill Paxton erected somewhere. James Cameron's sequel to Ridley Scott's original sci-fi horror masterpiece maintained some of the horror but threw in a lot of action, essentially making it (as the filmmakers have often said) Vietnam in space. The special effect wizardry of Stan Winston is on full display here, and the actual aliens still look credible and scary almost three decades later. This film holds up surprisingly well, and of course Sigourney Weaver's iconic portrayal of Ripley as the quintessential bad ass heroine pretty much invented the female action star.


3. Casino Royale (2006)

I was never really a fan of James Bond until this movie came out. I couldn't get into the series because there seemed to be an overall lack of humanity (I like my protagonists to have flaws, dammit) but this movie had it in spades. Equal parts action and drama with a love story to boot, this film pretty much has everything. Borrowing liberally from the conventions that made the Bourne series with Matt Damon popular, this film also launched Daniel Craig into unconventionally handsome popularity. And in a movie that has some incredible fight sequences (and a goddamn fucking brutal torture scene) the most intense scene is a card game. How awesome is that?


2. The Land Before Time (1988)

If I had to pick one defining movie from my childhood, this would be it. This film is simultaneously adorable, scary, moving, sad as fuck, and (in my humble opinion) a thinly veiled commentary on race relations. Don Bluth's animated masterpiece follows several dinosaur friends as they try and find their lost families and the legendary "Great Valley" after a devastating earthquake, all the while being followed by a strangely sadistic T-Rex. They learn the power of friendship and working together, and I swear, this goddamn movie gets me crying everyone time when Littlefoot loses his mom and again when they finally reach the Great Valley. Fuck all the sequels with their songs, this is the one that started it all and stands as a testament to great children's movies everywhere.  


1. The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Yep, y'all are gonna hate me for this one, but I don't care. I've never been so totally and completely entertained by anything as I have with this film. I saw it five times in theaters and can't stop watching the Blu-Ray. While I'll concede The Dark Knight is a superior film, in terms of the sheer amount of enjoyment I get from watching a movie, this one can't be beat. Watching an aging Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) take on the devilishly menacing Bane (Tom Hardy) eight years after giving up the mantle of the bat with the fate of the whole city at stake is the stuff my fanboy dreams are made of. A supporting cast full of Oscar winners doesn't hurt along with a wonderfully seductive performance by Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. I first saw this movie as part of a midnight screening with the first two films, and seeing them all together had me in tears by the end. I love everything about this movie, and I will fight anyone that has a problem with that.

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