Wisdom and maturity are two things that are usually synonymous with age, and yet in my life I've met individuals much younger than me with the soul of someone who has experienced centuries, while also meeting older people with the maturity and awkwardness of a child. I used to dismiss life advice from anyone in their twenties, but having undergone a lot of soul searching the last little while, I realize there are certain nuggets of truth that even I (someone in his mid-twenties) can attest to, and thus even the very young may be the most philosophical. And so, I present the list of absolute truths I've learned in my short life thus far:
1. What's easy and what's right are rarely the same thing
I'm pretty sure this is a line from the end of one of the Harry Potter films, but I find it to be so strikingly true. Often the morally "right" choice in a difficult situation is the one that requires honesty, sacrifice, and risks conflict, which unfortunately is what most people try to avoid. As a result, people make excuses for why the easiest solution is usually the "best" solution. I have seen justification for actions that have harmed others, knowing full well such excuses are only to hide the fact that someone didn't have the courage to do what was right because it proved too difficult for them. It's why people who cheat in relationships will continue to cheat rather than do the right thing and break it off with their current partner, because at the end of the day a lie is a much easier solution than the truth.
2. You should always do what makes you happy, as long as it wouldn't hurt someone else
This was originally amended from "You should always do what makes you happy, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else" because of the reason cited in Number 1. I was discussing this with a friend and the cheating analogy came up, with the scenario that if one partner was happy cheating and the other partner remained oblivious, was there any actual harm? We concluded that this was, again, choosing to do what was easy instead of what was right and honest.
But I digress from the main point. It is important to follow and pursue things that you enjoy and are passionate about, whether it be another human being or a hobby, so long as it doesn't come at the expense of another person's well being. Life is full of trials and tribulation, and sometimes we need to mine the things that make us happy to ensure we make it through the difficult times. To deny the things that give us a sense of fulfillment is to divert oneself from a satisfying existence.
3. Everyone has issues
How people perceive their lives are entirely relative to their own experiences, and although one person's struggles may far outweigh another, their capacity for grief remains the same. I've long suffered with anxiety and depression, even though I know full well that I have nothing to be unhappy about. I have suffered no great traumas and couldn't have asked for a better home life, and yet I often find myself overwhelmed by the weight of my own thoughts in a most damaging way. The interesting thing is, most people I talk to who open up about their emotions feel similar feelings, even though the cause and correlations as to why are wildly different. Our bodies and minds are built from the same blueprint, so we ultimately react the same way regardless of the stimulus.
4. You can't out-exercise a poor diet
This one is more of a recent revelation and probably the least philosophical item on this list, but no less important in my opinion. The state of health in our culture is, quite frankly, alarming. With obesity at an all time high and the leading cause of death on this continent being a result of lifestyle choice (i.e. heart disease) the concept of good health has never been more important. It is downright astounding the difference a good diet can have on one's life, which I can attest from personal experience. At one point I was in the misguided camp of thinking that so long as I exercised regularly I could eat whatever I wanted, but thankfully I've been shaken out of that foolish mindset. Diet accounts for about 75% of overall health and appearance, but (as discussed in Number 1) because maintaining a good diet requires a hefty amount of discipline, most people will forgo it in favor of the easier route, even though their lives may be on the line. And in regards to trying to out-exercise a poor diet, remember: if you only exercise one hour a day, three days a week, you're still leaving yourself 165 hours to mess it up. Being healthy isn't vanity, and our bodies are more than just the vessel that transport our brain around; they're our connection to life and thus everything else. It's important to take care of them.
Seriously, it's amazing what a single piece of food can do to you. I was on a diet for a month and wasn't seeing any results, so I stopped eating a multi-grain bagel in the morning and the changes were almost instant. One "healthy" bagel a day was the only thing holding me back.
5. Talk is cheap
Words have to be the cheapest form of currency in existence. Everyone has them in unlimited supply, and they can be exchanged for all manner of things even though in essence they are entirely meaningless. It is easy to make promises and assurances, but actions always speak louder than words, and words are inexpensive to toss around. A promise today can become a betrayal tomorrow. It seems like a rare thing these days to find someone true to their word.
6. Hearts can change, but you can't make someone love you
Navigating love and romance is an incredibly emotional and difficult affair, and one of the most important things I ever learned is that it is foolish to think you can actively change how someone feels toward you. Hope can be a dangerous thing, and although it is entirely possible for someone to think differently of you and see you from a new perspective (romantic or otherwise) it is very rarely ever the result of your actions (unless you do something that makes them realize you're an asshole). Everyone has their own desires, and no one has a right to a monopoly on another person's emotions or to judge them for feeling a certain way. The dating game and the world of romance is a hurricane of different feelings and expectations colliding into one another; everyone gets hurt eventually.
7. People have different ways of expressing love
On the topic of love, because everyone is different, everyone expresses love through various means. A friend once told me about an insightful article describing how people often express and react to love differently - some show love through physical affection, others through intellectual discussion, etc... It's when people don't speak the same language that problems arise. The key is to remember that just because someone isn't expressing their love the way you'd prefer, that does not mean they do not actually love you.
8. Bad things do not operate on a separate spectrum from the rest of life
There was a wonderful article on the website Cracked.com where one of the writers made a potent observation that most people go through life assuming there is a standard of living in which everything trucks along normally with nary a falter, and thus when something bad happens people react as if it's out of the norm, like an attack from a third party. Unfortunately, bad things are inherent to existence. No one ever reaches a point where bad things suddenly stop happening; they are as much a part of the ups and downs of life as joy and happiness.
9. Art should be created, not criticized
This harkens back to my days as a Film Studies student. As someone who writes, plays music, and is an overall creative person, it is discouraging to sit in a room full of people who have never crafted something meaningful themselves attacking the work of someone else. While there is certainly a place for critics in entertainment media - especially if a poor review of something manages to save a customer money and disappointment - there is no place for entitlement. An artist creates from a subjective perspective, and to have someone harshly condemn them without having any creative insight themselves is incredibly rude and arrogant. Whenever I consume a piece of media, I judge it by first trying to understand what the creator/author/director was trying to accomplish, and then by whether they managed to do so effectively. I have watched movies that I personally did not care for, but I am reluctant to call them "bad" because they may still prove successful with their intended audience.
10. The heart of all life is conflict
The only way things grow is through overcoming change. It is true of the smallest evolutionary advances to the overthrowing of empires. You change and adapt by overcoming obstacles and challenges, which may range from studying for a test to winning a fist fight. The human body builds muscle by tearing away muscle fibers and regrowing itself stronger, and thus all life grows stronger by overcoming something else. It is unavoidable and there are almost always consequences, although they may range in severity. I may beat an exam by studying properly and accepting the academic challenge of memorizing facts, a sports team might win a championship by besting another team, or a civilization may expand by destroying a lesser empire. As long as life grows, there will be conflict - it is a fundamental law of nature.
11. Kindness is a rare virtue, and the best people suffer for it
This one hits pretty close to home. I've often been accused of being "too nice" and making myself too available to help others. I find the notion that it is possible for someone to be "too nice" to a fellow human being utterly bizarre. How sad is it that we've reached a point where someone performing a good deed without the desire for recognition is automatically deemed suspicious, or a hidden agenda is automatically assumed?
Regardless, I've found that it is people who are overly kind and who put others before themselves that are taken advantage of and suffer the most. The more you're willing to trust, the greater the chance you will be betrayed by someone only looking to profit from your generous nature. It's happened to me on more than one occasion. If you are more willing to make sacrifices for others, some people will assume it is somehow less of a burden for you to continue doing so.
But it isn't. I assure you, it isn't.
12. Everyone believes they're the protagonist in their own story
Thanks to the wonderfully subjective nature of human existence, everyone believes they are the hero in the story of their lives. It is very difficult to be self-aware to the point of being able to consider your existence in the context of seven billion other souls on this planet. Everyone acts and thinks in a manner in which they believe themselves the protagonist; they believe their actions (no matter how good or bad) are more infallible than others because we rarely can comprehend the world through another person's eyes. And how can we, without living through their exact experiences? This unfortunately leads to judgement and jealousy. The sad truth is, there are only a few heroes in the world, and there are an equal amount of villains and minor characters in the grand scheme of life.
13. People may change their masks, but they rarely change who they are
This ties in significantly with Number 5. Promises and words can cloud over actions, creating a mask that hides an evil history. And we often choose to trust people at face value, which can lead to more betrayal and hurt. It is easier to believe the mask that people wear as opposed to seeing them for who they truly are, but very few people are actually capable of changing their character. We might grow and mature with age, but an asshole usually remains an asshole, and a tiger can't change its stripes. What people can do with much greater ease is convince others with cheap words, because fundamentally changing who you are is next to impossible. That's not to say it doesn't happen on occasion, just that it doesn't happen as often as people claim.
14. Life can change in an instant
I, and many other people the world over, have a horrible tendency to over-think and over-analyze everything. Whenever I undergo a significant life event, I automatically adjust my entire perspective of the future to accommodate it, totally aware that the next day something else dramatic may happen, thus changing the grand scheme of my life yet again. Who I am today may be very different from who I am an hour from now. This is why I try not to think more than a few days ahead of myself, as difficult as that sometimes is.
And finally . . .
15. Knowing something and feeling something are two vastly different things
This is fundamentally at the heart of most of my problems. I'm capable of thinking logically about my issues, rationally analyzing them and pinpointing what is the best course of action, but what I know is not always a reflection of how I feel, which is ultimately the deciding factor. Some things are easy; I know eating junk food is unhealthy, and although I crave it constantly, I'm able to convince myself to remain disciplined and not give into cravings.
Then there are the more difficult things, like knowing my life is perfectly fine, and that whatever problems I have are solvable and will most likely work themselves out in time, but that's not how I feel, which is why I'm still plagued with anxiety. My mind is at constant war with itself, because you can't out-think emotions. It's why people do very stupid things in the name of love and faith. The hardest part about all of this is that usually no amount of rational thinking can alleviate how one ultimately feels. We are often our own worst enemies; our lives are experienced through the network of electrons surging through our brains, thereby leaving us trapped within the prisons of our minds to suffer from the quirks and tendencies we're prone to.
Sort of depressing when you think about it. Think I'll go look at funny pictures of puppies in hats to cheer myself up.
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